"Peace With God Means War"

So mad at Eve. Been in a summerlong funk, lusting for just one chance encounter with her in some dark Edenic alley.

By extension, AmZyg is distressed to admit: she is really peeved with God for standing alongside, watching Eve do the deed.

D1 calls me a controlling parent, so that must be where this peevedness comes from.  I demand of God my self same self righteous right to grab the woman's arm, twist it half off, and, short of breaking her will, at least get in her face and demand "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

I fantasize about it. I take sick pleasure in rehearsing the moment.

"HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHAT ONE BITE WILL DO?"

"CAN YOU PICTURE MILLIONS OF CHILDREN, DEAD AND DYING? DO YOU WANT THAT ON YOUR CONSCIENCE?"

"CAN YOU PICTURE MILLIONS OF DEAD NAKED BODIES, GASSED AND PILED HIGH FOR CENTURY AFTER CENTURY BY MEGALOMANIAC DICTATORS FROM EVERY STINKIN' CORNER (cause maybe she thinks the earth is flat) OF THE EARTH ?"

"HOW MANY THOUSANDS OF SICK MOTHERS, DEAD OR DYING OF BLACK PLAGUE ARE YOU READY TO APOLOGISE TO?!!!"

Or, at the very least, if I were there to stop her because God was keeping out of it,

"HAS YOUR EVERYDAY FACE TIME WITH THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE TAUGHT YOU NOTHING????!!!!"

OK.

RATHER than determine that my own megalomaniac nature is showing, then shut up, go to my room, kneel down and confess this as sin, I will only admit that it looks bAD to get in Eve/God's face, demanding answers. Also admit that, yes, I skipped my prayer time this morning. Again. Getting the fall off to a bad start. Whhoosh.

If I want to know God's peace, I'll wage war against the background noise in my head that angrily hums doubting static everyday, flying off the handle at stubbed toes, thoughtless drivers, dirty dishes, 97 degree heat in my livingroom...

...and rest in humble satisfaction that His forgiveness for sin is enough, even without having to know answers to all the WHY's just yet.

I did find help on YouTube yesterday (see above). It overpowered the static for about 15 hours. It's genius.

WEED interrupted 

The weeds in my life will get the better of me if I don't suffer to get deep underground and pull out every last filament of root. Beneath the anger at God & PowerWoman, there's buried a lifetime of resentment toward somebody else. Better start probing.

"You cannot stop the birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from nesting in your hair." - - Martin Luther, as heard on today's Philip DeCourcy broadcast